Ares Connect

In yet another twist in the long line of weird thing that go on in Michael Jackson’s life, reports coming out of the US are claiming that the former King of Pop is has remarried. The story is that he secretly married his children’s nanny.

Source say that Wacko Jacko married long-time staff member Grace Rwaramba some time ago. That poor woman now has three step children whose faces she can never see, thanks to them always wearing masks and wigs.

Other sources are strongly denying the rumor.

“Wide spreading reports regarding Michael Jackson being married are not true. Documents stating otherwise are a hoax,” said one source.

Where rumors like this come from is anybody’s guess. What’s more perplexing is that people actually seem bothered. Who is Michael Jackson’s nanny? Has anybody ever seen a picture of her? We’ve got no idea who she is or what she looks like, and we really don’t care.

As for the long-awaited comeback, the album should be dropping some time soon, with collaborations with the likes of 50 Cent and Akon. There are also rumors of a world tour. If he can keep himself together without doing anything else weird, perhaps some good will finally come from Michael Jackson’s world again.

Some strange revelations from George Michael today. It appears that the former face of Wham! only became interested in music after he suffered a severe blow to the head.

In an interview with Kirsty Young on BBC Radio 4, Michael said that before he received his head injury as a child, stitches and all, he was only interested in bugs and insects.

“At the age of about eight I had a head injury and I know it sounds bizarre and unlikely, but it was quite a bad bang, and I had it stitched up and stuff, but all my interests changed, everything changed in six months,” said Michael.

We knew he was weird, but this is a whole new kettle of fish. Does this mean that if a young boy hadn’t taken a bump on the head, we wouldn’t have had to endure the music of Wham!? Now that’s an interesting though. Perhaps another blow to the head would be enough to get him to go back to his insects.

Any takers?

Michael, who has sold over 85 million records, said that after his blow to the head he became obsessed with music. It was like he became a different person. Maybe that’s what happened to Micahel Jackson.

Even bigger than the launch of Spiral Frog is the news that Amazon is due to launch a new music-download website, imaginatively named Amazon MP3. The service, which will offer tracks for as little as 89 cents, is the latest in a line of companies attempting to oust iTunes as the world’s premier music-download service.

Online-seller Amazon unveiled plans for Amazon MP3 this week, announcing a service with more than two million downloads available for users to buy, with albums going for between $5.99 and $9.99.

Users of Amazon MP3 will be able to play downloaded songs on any device, including Apple’s iPod, due to no copy protection being used on all files. This is likely to attract iPod users who currently pay $1.29 for each song from iTunes, which has a 70% share of the market at present.

Almost 20,000 record labels are behind Amazon MP3, and the world is waiting to see how Apple will respond to the launch of this and Spiral Frog. If it means cheaper music for all of us then it can’t be a bad thing. We’re excited about the launch of all these new services.

Whether or not another paid service can succeed when we all know how to download songs for free will be the real test for Amazon. The digital music market is worth some $2 billion, so people do still buy their music at least some of the time, although CD sales are at the lowest for years.

NBC has finally sat up and taken note of consumer power and recognised downloading and online viewing as a potential future for TV, says ZeroPaid. What’s more, the TV shows may be available using P2P technologies, such as that behind Ares. NBC are looking at a model similar in style to the prolific iTunes, and hope to be able to roll it out by the middle of next year. The service is currently being referred to as ‘NBC Direct’.Citing as reasons for the switch the change in attitudes of views, with more people wanting to view programs on their own terms, and a reluctance to confirm to the TV culture, it will be interesting to see whether this represents a deluge of similar initiatives being launched by other TV companies. Many already use iTunes as a platform from which to launch their download services, but cutting out the middle-man would return far more of the profits to the originators, and allow them to offer the service on their terms, rather than Apple’s. NBC left iTunes as while back in a disagreement over content pricing.

And, in an unparalleled move, NBC will allow the shows to be viewed for free, albeit with embedded ads. This is similar to the move by the BBC in the UK to provide for free past TV programmes – this following the success of a similar initiative involving the weeks’ radio programmes.

The videos will be played using

…special software player with filtering technology that will prevent users from playing illegally downloaded videos.

which will, apparently, involve using the trusty old Windows DRM. How this will sit with the community that will use it is not clear, but certainly Windows DRM is not foolproof. Maybe NBC know something we don’t.

What has happened to Ian Brown? This guy really needs to stop making solo albums. The World is Yours is his fifth studio offering since The Stone Roses split 11 years ago, but this has to be his worse musical offering to date. The sound is old and stale, and no number of orchestral accompaniments can save it.

Generally admired as a talented songwriter, here he’s singing songs that could have been penned by a teenager. You know what sort of direction an album is going to take when you see that there is a duet with Sinead O’Connor on it. Has anybody managed to hold together a decent duet with Sinead in all these years (excluding Prince)?

Tracks like “Illegal Attacks” are unpleasant to listen to lyrically, while other songs are so dull musically that the lyrics become immaterial. Every track sounds like it could have been an Ian Brown B-side 10 years ago. It’s sad to listen to, because there were high hopes for this album.
The production work is too clean and adds nothing to the album. It’s not rock, it’s not indie, it’s kind of hip hop, but it’s got no soul.

He’s done many great things and been a part of many great tracks, but you won’t fid any of them on The World is Yours. It sounds rushed and it sounds like Ian Brown just doesn’t give a f*ck any more.

Web search Megalith Google is an entity based upon the collection and analysis of huge amounts of data. This data is collected by monitoring of users’ search, downloading and web browsing habits; there is no way around this, and Google do not deny this. What they do attempt to do is to ‘wash’ the data, or manipulate it in such a way as to make the individual users for which the data pertains completely untraceable. Of course the fact remains that Google has this information somewhere. Queue yet another conspiracy theory against the Silicon Valley giant.Dylan Stephen Jayne, previously a guest at the pleasure of the US Government at the Pike County Correctional Facility, filed the suit against the founders of Google for “crimes against humanity,” including the aiding of terrorism, and threatening his personal safety. ArsTechnica reckons this is the first true conspiracy theory to be taken to court.

And what does Jayne want in return for Google’s guilt? Only Five BILLION dollars. Yes, that’s right: Jayne requests, in his five-page handwritten claim, that Google, a company that has no respect for humanity, pay him five billion dollars. Google needn’t worry, though, because Jayne’s shrewd financial mind has come up with a repayment plan fit for Silicon Kings: the first cheque need be written out to the value of a mere $250 million. Phew!

And the main charge, that warrants this massive payoff? If Jayne’s social security number is turned upside down, then it becomes a scrambled code that spells out the name “Google”. Scary? Maybe. Jayne says that this encoding of his SS number means he is not only at risk from identity theft, but from the police and authorities that might detain him for assisting in terrorist acts. How? We don’t know.

We may mock Jayne – and he can’t seriously have expected anything less – but the wider issues touched upon here, mainly Google’s use of the masses of personal information that they are collecting, are the ones that we really should be taking more seriously.

Bat for Lashes are an all-girl, four-piece band from England. They’re something special though. If you can imagine Bjork and Tori Amos and Kate Bush merged into one, you’re still nowhere near the power behind the music of Bat for Lashes.

The 2006 album Fur and gold was one of the underrated classics of last year. Natasha Khan is the girl in charge of the troop, and what a damn fine job she does of it. Her voice mesmerizing. It’s soft and captivating, and yet it has emotion behind it, as you’d expect with Bjork, but somehow it’s easier to relate to.

Fur and Gold should have won this year’s Merucry Music Prize, but sadly it lost out to those godawful Klaxons. What’s the world coming to? Tracks such as “Horse and I” and “Bat’s Mouth” are pure magic. The music has a real dark edge to it. It’s down tempo with real hints of folk in it.

Bat for Lashes should go on to great things and we are awaiting a new album eagerly. The sort of music they make isn’t to everybody’s liking, which is probably why Bat for Lashes are yet to really burst into the mainstream, but for casual listening, it’s inspiring.

Blonde Redhead’s seventh studio album, 23, is a wonder to behold. Japanese former-art student Kazu Makino and twin brothers Simone and Amedeo Pace are back after a three-year absence with what could be the album of the year. They perform in English, Japanese, Italian and French.

The music is sweet, radiant pop and indie with a dark edge to it. Makino’s voice is soothing and peaceful, but it has an unmistakable power to it. The drumming is precise with the guitar chords simple yet effective.

23 is 10 tracks of genuine emotion. From the melodic title track, through the beautiful “Top Ranking” to the unsettling “SW”, this is a band at the top of their game. Although they have been active for almost 15 years, Blonde Redhead have failed to achieve widespread popularity in the past, but with an album like 23 they’ve begun touching base with a new audience of listeners.

This album has romance, it has tragedy, it screams from the hills and whispers from beside you – it’s an intense music journey that stands out from the rest of this year’s album releases because it’s original.

Simply put, if you buy this album your life will be better. Blonde Redhead are a class act.

Honestly. We could devote an entire category to “stupid things Britney is doing”. As if her career wasn’t enough in tatters after that performance, now she’s only gone and pulled a Paris: Britney has been charged with driving without a license and hit and run.

She could be jailed for up to a year for this, and you’ve gotta think that she could do with some time inside for quiet reflection. Somebody needs to seriously help the girl out.

Apparently, Britney Spears drove into a parked car and then sped off from the scene. At least nobody was hurt, but the exact circumstances surrounding this one are a mystery.

She could have been drunk, high, with friends, on the phone – we just don’t know yet.

We’re gonna say it: Britney Spears is dead. We don’t know who this imposter is, but she’s ugly, uncouth, untalented, weak and ignorant. This isn’t our pop princess. This tabloid whore has taken enough column inches.

A hearing is set for October 10, although to the disappointment of the paparazzi Britney doesn’t have to attend it.

This fake Britney is starting to freak us out even more than Michael Jackson with his obsession for forcing his three children, one of who is named Blanket, to wear wigs in public.

Despite being the most annoying band on earth, one of the Klaxons has managed to get himself engaged to a hot chick. Simon Taylor, whose picture alone is enough to make you want to pull your hair out, is due to get married to CSS-lady Lovefoxxx (probably not her real name). She’s a beautiful girl and now she’s going to have to wake up next to that oaf every day. Is there no justice in the world?

They met this year on the Shockwaves NME Awards Indie Rave Tour (what the hell is Indie Rave?) and fell in love. It’s being dubbed by NME (those bastions of made-up genres and rubbish journalism) as a “new-rave wedding”. That’s one for the kids (literally) there.

CSS-drummer Adriano Cintra said, “They’re the happiest couple of MySpace. They’re gonna get married, it’s not a rumour. They’re gonna have baby CSS-Klaxons, it’s gonna be beautiful.”

The less aid about Klaxons the better. They’ve been ruining British music for about a year already and they must be stopped. We like CSS though, but a marriage such as this one can only spawn evil things.

If you can’t afford tickets to the next Klaxons concert, you can make your own by taking a bag of cats and a set of crockery and throwing the whole lot down a flight of stairs. Sounds great, right?